I have been sick since last Tuesday. L has been sick since last Sunday night - the day after Christmas. we have both been sick w a combination of a stomach flu combined w a kick ass cold. it has been awful for the both of us. I will not describe the horror, but I am sure you can imagine.
Today is the first day I am out of the house w/o getting sick or feeling like I will pass out - granted it is just Sbux. L is a lot better now but still has a lingering cough and fatigue. We have just been laying on the couch or in bed.
Waiting btw vomiting and sneezing, you start thinking. If I didn't have to walk, my foot would not have the pressure it would from trying to walk. There is no way I could get by not walking, they don't make attachments for bum legs out of upside down toilet plungers, so amputation creeps back into my mind. Let's just entertain this thought for one moment. Can you tell I have been watching Rebuilt again? There are a lot of if's w this. Let's say that we have certain givens that have to occur before I would seriously pursue this. It would have to be below the knee. I would have to be guaranteed that I would be able to walk and to be able to have a prosthetic. I would need to be guaranteed that the pain would stop.
I would like to live my life again. I don't know how much longer I can cope w the pain and still "function". I don't know how much longer I can work. I have no idea how long it would take to get disability benefits. Most ppl wait years to get any assistance. I need health insurance and money. I cannot afford to wait years. The quality of my life decreases every day. Every day I do less and less. I say no to more and more.
I do not expect my friends to u/s, but I don't want them not to be my friends. I say no to more things than I say yes, and I worry about my friendships. They know what happened and what it entails, but I u/s they cannot relate. I cannot expect them to. I would hope that they would know how much I want to go out and do things w them but can't always do what they are able to do.
Our wedding is in May. WTF am I going to do about participating all day? dancing? Scratch off having children. Where TF am I going to get the strength or energy to raise or carry a child? According to my podiatrist, the osteoporosis in my leg and foot is equivalent to a seventy year old woman. How is that going to support the weight of a child or trying to get a car seat into the car? She said that if I fell, my leg would break again.
The osteoporosis is only in my left leg and foot. It is no where else in my body. It is just what CRPS does.
I feel like I am at a point where I am starting to rip out my hair. I have researched and researched, went to all of the top doctors in the country, the specialist in the entire world for this (apparently there is only one), tried conventional and alternative treatments, blah blah blah. Where do I go from here? Amputation.
Today is the first day I am out of the house w/o getting sick or feeling like I will pass out - granted it is just Sbux. L is a lot better now but still has a lingering cough and fatigue. We have just been laying on the couch or in bed.
Waiting btw vomiting and sneezing, you start thinking. If I didn't have to walk, my foot would not have the pressure it would from trying to walk. There is no way I could get by not walking, they don't make attachments for bum legs out of upside down toilet plungers, so amputation creeps back into my mind. Let's just entertain this thought for one moment. Can you tell I have been watching Rebuilt again? There are a lot of if's w this. Let's say that we have certain givens that have to occur before I would seriously pursue this. It would have to be below the knee. I would have to be guaranteed that I would be able to walk and to be able to have a prosthetic. I would need to be guaranteed that the pain would stop.
I would like to live my life again. I don't know how much longer I can cope w the pain and still "function". I don't know how much longer I can work. I have no idea how long it would take to get disability benefits. Most ppl wait years to get any assistance. I need health insurance and money. I cannot afford to wait years. The quality of my life decreases every day. Every day I do less and less. I say no to more and more.
I do not expect my friends to u/s, but I don't want them not to be my friends. I say no to more things than I say yes, and I worry about my friendships. They know what happened and what it entails, but I u/s they cannot relate. I cannot expect them to. I would hope that they would know how much I want to go out and do things w them but can't always do what they are able to do.
Our wedding is in May. WTF am I going to do about participating all day? dancing? Scratch off having children. Where TF am I going to get the strength or energy to raise or carry a child? According to my podiatrist, the osteoporosis in my leg and foot is equivalent to a seventy year old woman. How is that going to support the weight of a child or trying to get a car seat into the car? She said that if I fell, my leg would break again.
The osteoporosis is only in my left leg and foot. It is no where else in my body. It is just what CRPS does.
I feel like I am at a point where I am starting to rip out my hair. I have researched and researched, went to all of the top doctors in the country, the specialist in the entire world for this (apparently there is only one), tried conventional and alternative treatments, blah blah blah. Where do I go from here? Amputation.
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